Me and my husband are standing on opposite poles. Kids tell us that it allows things to be seen 360 degrees. We hope it was a compliment. In the early courtship days, we rejoiced over the things we had in common. Oh you love that song, me too! You love the moon, oh me too! It was talking about romance. And then we got married and spent a lot of years trying to change the other to look like us. Over time, we learned to accept that we are connected differently, and let the other be. We are happy after leaving.
But everyday life is not easy when you are studying on the contrary. Life asks the family to make a lot of decisions and it doesn’t help when we both think about each and every issue in completely different ways. He wanted us to buy a house and settle down. I wanted us to rent a bus and become nomads. He loved living in that city. I wanted the view outside the window to change from time to time. He loves acquaintance. I thrive on uncertainty. Make some rules to ensure that you are not wasting time and breath and forcing the other person to agree with your point of view.
At first, we accepted that joint decisions would not work. We just divide the decisions in the middle. One makes a decision and the other simply follows. He decided that his parents would stay with us. I followed him and remained devoted to my in-laws for all the years he was with us. it was tough. But I could take care of my parents, visit them, spend on them, meet their needs and that’s how the husband knew I was taking care of my in-laws. Such trade-offs are not spelled out, but do help a lot, trust me. Rules are not followed.
Second, recognize the strengths of others and allow them to play in the interest of the family. I manage money, make and drive investment decisions savings target. He manages all relationships, negotiates our choices, makes fun of friends and relatives. We took the time before leaving. But it helps to divide the work instead of romanticizing it all together. We know who is in charge and we try to respect that. At the end of the year, when I read the investment performance, he said, “That’s it?” And I smoke. Who says couples can find a magical formula for peace?
Third, hold back from saying those terrible words—I told you so. Everyone walks a different path in life. Their perspectives are shaped by their unique experiences. One cannot compel another to think about something in a specific way in order to arrive at a decision. Some decisions work fine; Some terrible things happen. Regret is a difficult emotion to deal with. You don’t want your loved one to be offended by the benefits of blindness. So let’s decide and let’s move on. Be careful this is the hardest rule to enforce.
Fourth, practice discussing an issue without turning up the heat. The credit card has been paid off for the minimum due. There is a surplus lying in the bank account. A fourth television has been ordered, which has succumbed to a price deal. An expensive necklace has been picked up impulsively. The list of things that can flare up is endless. Learn to let others deny, hide, endure guilt silently, show false bravery, justify. Watch without joining. Then find a quiet opportunity to bring it over and discuss it over some tea or wine, or for a walk on the beach. Listen and sympathize. offer help. Keep your point firmly. And hopefully it won’t happen again.
Fifth, promptly identify and handle the fire extinguishing issue. You catch other people regularly spending more on credit cards; You find that the bills are never paid on time; You find an addiction taking a dangerous turn; you notice that stock trading Slowly becoming an obsession; You think quitting your job is a preferred solution to the boss’s problems; And so on. You can’t crib and complain, or clap your hands in despair. You take charge. You have set new rules. Others have demonstrated that they cannot make decisions properly. In a quiet discussion, you may find that the other is willing to let you down for their unacceptable behavior. Don’t be too eager to change the other, but you can and should influence you.
Sixth, give time to play and enable better vision. This is challenging for couples who refuse to give their relationships the years they need to age and ripen well. We cannot judge another by just one example. Such generalizations are usually wrong. It is over time that you notice and understand patterns of behavior. You also figure out who you want to trade for. There is nothing like perfection. Angels and demons live together in our hearts and minds. When we live together we influence, influence and mold the other in ways we do not control. Let things settle over time, and allow roles and responsibilities to be modified with experiences.
Seventh, shared values ​​and ethics are important to your well-being. You like the simple life and your fellow consumerist is a junkie; You like an honest profession, but your partner is corrupt; You don’t like to show off, but your partner loves to brag. So many people are trapped in these impossible situations. leave some; Some ignore and create their own spaces; Some accept that things cannot be changed. The conflict is greater when you are severely mismatched. These higher order issues are not solved by narrowing rules in a small column.
Relationships are complicated. There is no generalization as to how the couple will act together. Some like the division of roles; Some want a seamless exchange of tasks. Few readily accept authority; Some will not settle for anything less than equality. Some people like to discuss an issue for a solution; Some let the untold lead the way. Knowing that the other is a free-thinking individual with their own approach to a problem is the respect we learn to develop and nurture. Comfort extension.
(The author is the chairperson of the Center for Investment Education and Learning)